Episode 19 - Summer Myth #2: You Just Need to Try Harder

Have you ever been told to "just try harder"?

It's one of the most common—and most damaging—myths that neurodivergent people hear. But what if the issue isn't effort at all?

In this episode of SEND it – Brains at Work, Steph explores why executive function challenges are so often mistaken for laziness, why working harder isn't always the answer, and how changing the environment can make a bigger difference than pushing yourself to burnout.

You'll also leave with a simple challenge to help quiet your inner critic and replace self-blame with self-compassion.

This week's listener challenge:
The next time you catch yourself thinking, "I should just try harder," pause and ask yourself:

"What would make this easier?"

Because different brains don't need more pressure—they need different strategies.

🎧 Listen now, and don't forget to follow, rate, and share the podcast to help us reach more people navigating life and work with different brains.

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:14

Hello and welcome back to Send It Brains at Work and welcome to our summer series. So during the summer holidays, Claire and I are taking it in turns to bring you these shorter bite-side episodes that will hopefully tackle some of the biggest myths around neurodiversity. So before we jump in, I hope that you're enjoying the series so far because Claire has done the last two episodes, and we would really, really appreciate it if you could continue to follow the podcast, leave us a review, or share an episode with somebody who needs to hear it. It costs nothing, but it makes a huge difference in helping us to reach more people. So jumping in straight away then to today's myth. And this is one I think almost every neurodivergent person has heard at some point. And to be honest, I have even heard myself saying it, which then makes me have that guild because I know I've said to other people. But it is, you just need to try harder. You might have heard this from a teacher, a manager, a family member, or even maybe after hearing it enough times that you do it in your own inner voice. Like I say, I've heard myself say it to myself, I've heard myself say it to others, and it's definitely made me think a little bit more about this. So, you know, I've caught myself thinking, if I could concentrate a little bit more, you know, if I'm more organized with this, if I had more willpower, because honestly, my willpower is absolutely shocking. But something I've learned is that most of the time I'm not lacking the effort, you know, I was already given everything that I already had. And my problem isn't motivation because I am motivated to do a lot of different things. The problem is that I have always been trying to use a brain that works differently in the systems that they weren't designed for, and these are two very, very different things. And that is why Claire and I decided to create this podcast because we realize that we have got different brains and they do work differently for the systems that they are designed. So we'll have a little look at the scientific. So we'll look at executive function. Executive function are brain management systems, they're responsible for things like the planning, prioritizing, switching between tasks, starting tasks, organising information and managing time and regulating our emotions. Now, for many neurodivergent people, whether it's ADHD, autism, dyslexia, dyspraxia, you know, all the other neurodivergent profiles, these skills can require far more mental energy than people realise. So when someone's saying to us, you know, just try harder, they're assuming that the problem is effort. But effort and brain capacity obviously aren't the same. I think they're very, very different. So imagine telling somebody with a broken leg to climb the stairs by trying harder. The desire might be there, but obviously the effort it's going to be completely different. So without the support, we're simply working against the way our body functions. And this is obviously true for executive function. So trying harder isn't going to magically create more mental bandwidth. So this myth I feel exists because we live in a culture that celebrates productivity, you know, often being busy is treated like a real badge of honour. You know, there's no time for rest, no time for relax. We've got to be working longer hours, pushing through it, pushing yourself, powering on. There's no time to be thinking, actually, you know, what do I need to do for me? Because executive function is invisible. People often mistake this for a struggle of laziness. And it isn't, we aren't lazy, it's just the brain isn't working like that. You know, you don't see uh the mental gymnastics it took just to start that email or how exhausting it is just to try to filter background noise in an open plan office because that is something that is really, really tiring. Trying to hold that brain power while doing something else is very, very difficult. You know, we don't notice the amount of energy it takes to remember 10 different instructions when your brain works best with just one at a time. Again, this is why Claire and I have always suggested our lists or our toolkit, everything like that that comes out. Nobody notices the effort that comes in behind it. So I wanna reframe this a little bit. I want us to work smarter, not harder, because sometimes we can't. So on our next episode of Mythbusting um summer series, I'm gonna look at the toolkit. What reasonable adjustments can we put in? What can we do to support ourselves and realise it's not working harder, it is working smarter. So please, can you this week notice one moment when you're thinking to yourself, I should try harder. Please pause, take a breath, and replace that thought with the one simple question what would make this easier? Maybe it's gonna be asking for help, maybe it's taking five minute breaks, maybe it's changing your approach altogether. Because sometimes we just need to shut it down and start again from scratch in a completely different way. Because curiosity is tender and far more effective than self-criticism. So please remember this week your worth isn't gonna be measured on how hard you have to work to keep up to everyone else. Different brains need different strategies, they're not a weakness, it's wisdom. So I really appreciate you joining me this week for our Myth Busting summer series. Um, and thank you so much for following us at Send It Brains at Work. I will be doing the next episode, and I look forward to seeing you next week. Have a wonderful week.

SPEAKER_00 6:53

We are not experts, specialists, or professionals, and nothing we discuss should be taken as advice. Our conversations are based around our own experiences, ideas, and perspectives. They are intended for general discussion and entertainment only. If you need guided support or advice, whether professional, personal, medical, legal, financial, or otherwise, please seek help from a qualified professional. By listening to this podcast, you understand and agree that the hosts are not responsible for any actions you choose to take based on what you hear.