SEND it. Brains At Work
SEND it. Brains at Work is a podcast about neurodivergent minds navigating the professional workplace. Sharing honest conversations, practical strategies, and real stories that challenge how work is done.
SEND it. Brains At Work
Episode 16 - Surviving the Summer Holidays: A Neurodivergent Survival Guide
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The summer holidays can be a time of fun, freedom, and family memories—but for neurodivergent individuals and families, they can also bring disruption, overwhelm, and exhaustion. In this episode of SEND it. Brains at Work, we explore the realities of navigating six weeks without the usual routines.
From managing sensory overload and emotional regulation to balancing work, childcare, expectations, and your own wellbeing, we share practical strategies, honest experiences, and simple ideas that can make the holidays feel more manageable. Whether you're autistic, ADHD, dyslexic, have Tourette's, or are supporting a neurodivergent child or loved one, this episode is packed with reassurance and realistic advice.
Join us for an honest conversation that reminds you there is no such thing as a perfect summer—only finding what works for your unique brain and your family.
Because surviving the summer doesn't mean doing it all—it means doing what works for you.
Hello and welcome back to Brains at Work, the podcast that is going to help your neurodivergent brain to succeed, especially in the heat that we've got to be. I was just gonna say, really in the heat, I'm not entirely sure. Well, we're gonna try. We are absolutely gonna try today. Yeah. So our latest episode is gonna be getting together for the summer holidays. We're gonna kind of explain our summer series because we're gonna do it a little bit different. Yeah. Because as you probably all aware, Claire and I are parents and trying to record this podcast with we would have six children. I was gonna say six children's children for a dog and possibly two kittens is not gonna work. It's not. So Claire, do you want to kind of talk us through what we're gonna do?
SPEAKER_01Yeah, so we're gonna do things a little bit differently. Um we're to keep us going over the summer holidays and hopefully um help us keep a little bit of sanity as well. Um, me and Steph are gonna record our um uh podcasts separately. So we're gonna have a summer series. Um, so we have got I think it's nine episodes. Yeah, nine episodes. Nine episodes, a lot shorter episodes. Yeah, so we're we're thinking five, ten minutes. Um you obviously won't get um we're gonna do it individually and we're gonna be looking at neurodiverse myths, and then the following week a tool to support with that myth, and and to kind of look at the the toolkit in depth, I suppose, more than anything. So you'll be hearing us separately, but we will come back together. That's September. Yes, crazy. We'll come back together in September when we no longer have six children, dog, two cats.
SPEAKER_00Um yeah, and you know, there will be full sensory overload. You will see us have meltdowns, but hopefully we will support everyone, and you can support us too getting through the six weeks' holidays because we are here for you, and you hope well, we hope you are here for us. Yeah, because I'm not sure if we're gonna make it.
SPEAKER_01Maybe not. You see, my kids they get eight weeks' holidays, which is uh a joy. I'm not gonna lie, by the time I get to um September, yes, where I'm just about crawling through it, which is why we thought for this particular topic as well on our podcast, we really wanted to put a shout out there you need to be checking in on your parents who are your friends who are neurodivergent and uh parents as well, yeah. Because the school holidays are coming, um, and we thought we could look at um what that means, um, the impact that that has on us um functioning because amongst all of this, we're working as well.
SPEAKER_00Um so and don't forget, when neurodiverse children and neurodiverse adults are out of routine, it's gonna be absolute chaos.
SPEAKER_01It's gonna be chaos, yeah. So, so yeah, so we're looking at what we can do to keep ourselves going, make sure that we've got that structure in place, and we thought that we could do that with you today as well. Yeah, absolutely. So, as we always start, wins and fails. Yeah. Do you want to go first with your wins and fails today? I mean, my fail in all honesty is the heat. Like, I know that'll be the same for everybody, but for me, the sense of overload and the heat just means my brain isn't functioning like it would do. It feels like there's so many extra things going on, but my brain feels slower as well. Yeah, so that has to be my biggest fail. I've moved my win to counterbalance that is I've moved my workspace downstairs um into the kitchen next to my bifold doors, which I'm at least getting a little bit of a brightness.
SPEAKER_00Actually, the heat's just beating through and there's no breeze.
SPEAKER_01My downstairs is really cool. Oh, you see, um, yeah, I know I've got that really nicely, um, nicely cold, but upstairs was like sitting in an oven, it was awful. So, yeah, mine is the impact of the weather. I've it feels like every demand, and I don't even sometimes they're not even demands, it could just be somebody having a normal conversation with me, but it's felt like a demand, yeah. There's just been too much for me.
SPEAKER_00Um I suppose my fail, I don't even want to class it the fail, I'm gonna class it as a lesson learned or a life lesson for my children as well. So even though we are having this absolutely beautiful weather that I'm not gonna complain about because we've spent six months in the rain, obviously this morning we had torrential downpour.
SPEAKER_01Obviously, other people might not have done.
SPEAKER_00We looked at a storm calculator last night. A calculator, a storm calendar, and apparently it was all Scotland and all London, full torrential storms, and then it's moved inland to the middle of the country. So I'm guessing most people it was ridiculous. So I managed to get my little ones in the car, they were all sorted. Did I remember to pack them a raincoat? No, no, I didn't. Well, we're not gonna need it now, anyway. Well, it's gonna get rainy again. But my eldest, this is probably the reason why I forgot to pack the little ones. My eldest, I was fighting with him. Just put a coat on, just put a coat on, just put it just a Mac, just put a coat. Would he put it on? Absolutely not, it's not gonna ruin his street cred, even though it's a flipping Addie Dass coat, which they all want. Yeah, so he stuck it in his bag because I did wrap it up over his chromebook because it was torrential. I can't even describe wearing the coat.
SPEAKER_01We've had like massive, it was thunder and lightning. It was flooded.
SPEAKER_00The roads are flooded this morning, and now it is 11 o'clock in the morning. Would you have thought it had rained today? No, not at all. No, it's now back up to 27 degrees, glorious sunshine. Yeah. Aren't we enjoying the English weather? But because the eldest one threw me off and didn't wear his coat, the little ones haven't got any, but hopefully they just won't go outside. And then my win, I think this is a win because I just can't sleep in the heat. Just like you, it just sets your brain off, doesn't it? I've learned that if you close all of your windows and all of your curtains and blinds, your house stays really cool. All of your windows that you should. Yes, all of your windows. Does it actually stay cool? It is cool because my partner was whingy. It's really hot in outside, he came in and he went, Oh, it's really cool in here. I was like, I know, I know. I might be living in a cave because it's so dark and I might look awful because my curtains are closed, but my house was cool. Yeah. And then later on, when it did cool down a bit, I've learned if you face your fan out of your window, it sucks any hot air of your room and pushes it outside. Apparently, that's the law of physics. But yeah, the law of physics.
SPEAKER_03Okay.
SPEAKER_00So yeah, I've been pretty cool. Good. You're looking at me like that's a lie.
SPEAKER_03No, I haven't really.
SPEAKER_00I no, I've not.
SPEAKER_01I've not at all. Oh but what was your win this week? Um well, do you know what? That's a really good question. I'm not entirely sure I've had like any massive wins.
SPEAKER_03You've made it through in one piece.
SPEAKER_01I was gonna say, I've got here in one piece. I am functioning. Um I'm no this is gonna sound awful, but my husband's away again this weekend um on his on his bike festival, and so I'm just quite looking forward to having the weekend in the house to myself. That'll be nice. I mean, I've still had the kids, but they're you know, the girls are 14 and the eldest is 17, they don't really care about me anymore. Yeah. So um I'm just a mild inconvenience that provides food. So I'm quite looking forward to just not doing an awful lot this weekend. So I'm gonna class that as my win sorry site again.
SPEAKER_00I love it, it's great. So, jumping into this episode then, yeah. Obviously, we're gonna do summer holidays because neurodivergent summer holidays hit differently. You know, we've got to acknowledge there's there's a huge invisible load, isn't there? Our kids are all very, very different ages, so yours are coming to the end of it, whereas I'm I'm gonna call it still in the trenches if I'm being totally honest.
SPEAKER_01Oh, yeah, I'm I'm certainly not in the same position that you are. I um wouldn't go back there either.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, so it's the it's the what do I do? Do I book summer clubs? The lack of routine. I think this is for everybody, isn't it? If you knew a divergent, that routine's gone. It's also the extra socialising, the heat, the food, the drink. It's the you know being seen, I suppose, basically. People understanding that this is a huge I think personally for me this is the biggest mental load. Yeah, people are like, well, you know, you've got your kids, blah blah blah, but it's a lot of pressure, who's going where, who's doing what, are they safe, are they fed?
SPEAKER_01Exactly, and then there's that extra pressure as well to be um I know you've said clubs, but obviously we're working as well, um, and it's making sure that they're they are doing things as well. They're not just sitting in the house and for me, sitting in the house and on the the screens. Our my our lack of routine um really creates an issue in our house, house full of autistic people, it the it really yeah, it really creates a um an issue, so it's having to kind of re-look at that new re routine for for the kids, otherwise we're gonna end up with World War III going on. Absolutely on it.
SPEAKER_00And if I let mine to my boys, if I let them and they know I'm working, they will sit on their screens all day because they know I can't come out of the office to be dealing with them and kicking them off. They know within five minutes I'm back on doing something else, and work's got to come first. Yeah, so it's the joys, isn't it? But there's always tiny bits of chaos and so well, tiny bits of relief in the chaos. So, what is the most ridiculous thing you've had to do to juggle working kids?
SPEAKER_01Um I think so. I I've got different stages, if I'm completely honest. So, before I was working from home and I was out in an office and things like that, and I also had a really ridiculously long drive to get to the office as well. Me just trying to get the kids to out-of-school clubs, and they cost a fortune as well. They do cost a fortune, but then it's also finding the out-of-school clubs that understand neurodiverse children that was a that was an issue for us too, and them really understanding their quirks and their need and their need for routine and their need for justice, yeah, that always would create me a little bit of problems. So some of the ridiculous things was like a trying to find the right out-of-school club and then getting the kids into that new routine. But since I've been working from home, it's the trying to balance and taking them places as well and building that into the routine. Yeah. So, because you also get that parent guilt, I definitely get mum guilt if I'm sat at home and they've got another day at home. So I would balance um working from home and then building, going to Brimars, um, which for those people that don't live around here is a ice cream parlour on a farm. I didn't even know what that was. Did you not? I'll have to get a few. It's amazing. It's near it's near Massum and they've got all the animals and things like that, but they have hundreds and hundreds of flavours of ice creams and everything. So I would I would plan that in towards the end of my day and take them just um bum the kids in the car and drive over to Massum to take them to the ice cream thing, which is ridiculous. But again, because um we have the whole autism thing going on, which I know that sounds like I'm down downplaying it, I'm absolutely not. We've I had to make sure that the kids knew about it like days in advance that we were gonna do it, yeah, and obviously then have to make sure it happens because if I haven't prepared them for it and then um just went and did it, that would be a mega or it would be doesn't matter how amazing they would have and the ice cream that they'd have, it would it just wouldn't work. So I again I um I work with the kids on um a lot of verbal kind of communication and making sure that they know when things are gonna happen and also what they're gonna eat and all of that type of stuff. If I don't do that and do those like now and next things, I'm not gonna get work done or anything like that. It's having to think ahead, isn't it?
SPEAKER_00Yeah. We're very much like that, there's always got to be that preparation and planning of things. For me, the most ridiculous things that I've done is I have oh well, before the littlest one was born when the boys were just the perfect age, when I've had like admin days, yeah, I would literally sit in a soft play and let them run around and do a load of work while they're doing the soft play.
SPEAKER_01That was my other I've done the same in the swimming pool, which again is ridiculous as our swimming pool is ridiculously hot and just sitting and doing my admin in there whilst they're having a swim and everything. Yeah. Again, mine are a little bit that older, so they don't need me in there, but yeah.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, well now obviously my eldest is nearly well, will be 13 in a couple of days, and my little list is three. It's very hard finding things for all of them to do. So I'm not gonna lie, I saw someone selling a really cheap, massive inflatable. I mean it's huge. It's got a slide, it's got a pool, it's got a tortoise you can jump on, it's got those wiggly figures you can, and it was literally only about 150 quid with a fan because she'd used it, and I was like, so now that gets set up in the garden, I can see it from my office window, I know they're all safe, and that entertains them for hours. Really? Yes, and it's the best money I've ever spent.
SPEAKER_01Mine's a little bit cheaper this week, um, because and it's got the girls off their phones and everything. I've literally just sent them in the um back garden with the hose pipe, and that's that's the email. See, I've got boys, they are literally fighting at every opportunity they can. If it was any form of water, there'd be a fight. No, they've just like they've I mean it's got my plants watered to be fair, but they have literally just sprayed each other down, and that that's been an evening in there.
SPEAKER_00It's perfect, absolutely. Well, we've given you some of our ideas. We would love to hear what you guys do because honestly, I have no other thoughts. I don't know what to do, I'm not prepared. We are five weeks away, so please.
SPEAKER_01Five weeks away, my kids finish in two weeks. It like, I know, don't it panics me so much. Okay, Claire needs some more from people who have older children. I didn't realise it was only when I was sat kind of doing prep for this last night that I suddenly went, Oh my gosh, what am I gonna do?
SPEAKER_00I've literally not thought about this. Uh see, I'm a real preparation person, I get this booked in quite far in advance where I can, because obviously my mother likes a holiday. So I need to book her in for a couple of days because mine will not go to clubs, it's not happening. We've done the football club, the outdoor club, the cricket club, the kickboxing club. The art that there is a nature one with like archery, axe throwing, potion making, they make like metal soup and stuff. They're done with that, and then obviously the littlest one is too small for a club because she's only three, so literally it's just beg borrow anyone I can to look after them. Does she start school this year then? No, she starts nursery. Right, but yeah, anyway, sorry. No, it's okay. So now we have to kind of think about this deeper. So, why does school holidays hit so blaming hard?
SPEAKER_01Why would you say it hits that badly? I mean, I've already touched it for me, it's that loss of structure, and for the kids, they that is the biggest impact for us. They lose the structure, they don't know what to do, because they haven't got that structure and their now and next is different, yeah, it just completely knocks them off. And then as that parent, because for us that might mean increased meltdowns, increased fighting, in for one of my children, it's increased eating, which then creates an issue on many different levels as well. Yeah, um, so because we've got that loss of structure, it leads to overwhelm really quickly. And then for me, when I'm trying to keep the house running still, which my household just basically stops if I'm completely honest, um, it comes with a warning signal um about whether to enter or not. So there's that, it impacts me and my sensory overload and my overwhelm. It has an impact, it literally has an impact on everything and how we run, and um and then amongst all of this, I'm still working and trying to offer the same, I suppose, um customer-side energy. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, that I would be um offering elsewhere. So you by the end of the day, I mean I'd be exhausted anyway, but I am not functioning properly as an adult.
SPEAKER_00No, I feel like mine, yeah, I agree, lots of structure. We're quite we can deal with it at the beginning, yeah, but by the end of the holidays, it is constant fights, constant melting because they're tired. ADHD, artism, you know, all these neurodiversities, you still need your structure, you still need that set bedtime. So even though the kids are at school and they want to go to bed later, you still need to try and keep that fixed routine because that's what goes wrong, and for me, it's massively the sensory overload, but that's my sensory overload. And even the kids in it, yeah. Yeah, I'm used to just sitting and working and getting things done, but actually, it's the constant interruptions. It's I'm hungry, can we do this? Can we have this? Can we want this?
SPEAKER_01And but it's like when they they might want to cuddle or they like touch you. For me, it it like it's too much as well, yeah. And it does something to your body and it sounds awful, and you like and then it brings the parent guilt in as well because give me five minutes, please. Yeah, yeah, because you you've suddenly snapped or something and you don't mean to, but so then you've got this sensory overload, which then adds to the overwhelm on top of that, yeah. And and then the parent guilt adds an extra layer on top, and then the guilt that you're not quite functioning as you would do for work as well, yeah. So you just end up again a bit of a mess by doing it.
SPEAKER_00And then you knew that recovery time that's not possible when you've got the kids, yeah. I'm like, I'm gonna go for a walk. Well, obviously, I can't leave them on their own, so that can't happen, so I have to wait until there's not someone else to watch them. Yeah, and then the minute I'm like, I'm gonna go for a walk, they're like, I'll come with you, I want to be with you. And then instead of me doing my usual, like we've talked on every episode, putting my headphones on and just chilling, it's mum, what's that bird? Mum's what's that Sam? Mum, can we go for an ice cream? Yeah, and that just keeps adding and adding and adding. So realistically, the only recovery time is sleep, yeah.
SPEAKER_01I uh to be fair, I um quite often I do um go and nip upstairs by myself, shut the door when we're not in a heat wave, um, shut the door, and um you're almost hiding because I can hear the kids looking for me and I'm upstairs in my bedroom. They're fine, they're 14 and 17, yeah, they're alright. They can cope without me for a little bit, but yeah, I do go and hide upstairs sometimes and just um go and get out of the way. I have tried before, I made the mistake of once. So my girls will have been about four-ish, and I went and hid in the toilet um and locked the door, and I could hear them banging, they're like, Mummy, mummy, um, the door's locked, I can't get in, and I was like, It's fine, I'll be out in a couple of minutes. And she was like, Oh, it's alright, I can open it from this side, and she got a coin, and I could see this like the thing, the locks slowly turning the other way, and I'll just sort of don't have it anymore.
SPEAKER_00We I can't even shut the bathroom door, and I think a lot of neurodivergent parents will agree with this. I've shut it once to have a shower, yeah, and my little one bummed the door, kept whacking it with a bum, and we have one of those slidy locks until it had actually slid back open. Or if not, they've drawn me pictures and things and put them under the door, and I'm like, just give me five minutes. Exactly the same. So, yeah, I don't bother locking anymore, they just walk and rang. Yeah, I think realistically, isn't it, when you're a parent, especially neurodivergent, especially in the summer, it's shower when you're dead. Um that's one of the biggest ones, and I think even that with neurodiversities and the structure with children, actually trying to get them to shower now it's just get the hose pipe out, yeah, yeah, yeah. Or a bit of rain.
SPEAKER_01Yes, yeah, I think and they love that as well, and they'll go out and play in the rain.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, absolutely, but it's the experience, isn't it? We've got to kind of think about everything else that comes with this as well. So time blindness, yes, absolutely.
SPEAKER_01So if we look at um ADHD experience then, yeah, um, because what we thought was um there will be general things as well that people will um that people um experience, yeah. But we've I've kind of looked at ADHD autism and then AUA ADHD as well, and what some of the challenges might be um with that. So, challenge for ADHD, time blindness. We've spoken about that, we've got a podcast on on time blindness as well. We know I am not brilliant at managing my time and still. You are getting better.
SPEAKER_00Oh well, yeah, kind of, I think. It's me rubbing off on you because I'm the opposite.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, well, that, but again, this comes to structure. I'm coming to you directly from dropping the kids off at school. If I'm coming to you from my house and not doing that, I'm not entirely sure I'd be here on time. So it's that structure, um, and kind of building the what are next. Anyway, so we've got time blindness, um, and um and for me this is definitely a problem in the summer holidays, especially because we've got a new structure that we Need to put in place. My um, I'm not brilliant at working out how long I need for different tasks and how long those things will take. Yeah, we've also got impulsivity, which is my massive. I think that's more you than me.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, absolutely. And my whole family is very impulsive as well. So it's literally, I'm just like, yeah, let's spend all our money, let's do this, let's do that. Um, and it's just I don't know. I am getting better. I'm starting to think about things, and I'm like, actually, do we need to do this? Do we need to go and have that? And I'm starting to say no, maybe one percent of the time.
SPEAKER_01So I am getting there. Maybe one percent of the time. What about hyper focus? Because you you hyper focus on a completely different level during the summer.
SPEAKER_00I can't hyper focus, it's broken too much. I know is it just not happening? It's it's broken too much that I get angry, so I have to keep myself not going into hyperfocus because then I can be like, just stop interrupting me, and I don't want to do that, I don't want to get them on guilds. I also don't want to forget I've got my kids because I can go upstairs and say, start putting the clothes away and then think, Oh, I'm gonna completely declutter this room. That's not gonna happen when I've got those three legging it around and screaming at me. Nerf Wars is the big one at the minute, so oh yeah, I know that one that is never gonna hyper focus in anything. We I moved out of that one, which I'm not gonna lie, I'm quite pleased about. It hurts. Yeah, that'll be good, and also the lot of I'll do it later trap gets sucked into that a lot. Yeah, so that's where the structure again is gonna come in, isn't it? A lot of it is always getting put off and put off. And I mean my my I'll do it later is my housework, yeah. Whereas I actually will, I know if I sit down, I'm not gonna get back up, yeah. It's not gonna happen, it has to be literally done, and I think in this heat you've got to get up and try and do it early, which still isn't happening because we're so exhausted from being hot all night, yeah. It's just not really there, is it? Yeah, exactly.
SPEAKER_01So, um, we to counterbalance that we've got uh a couple of things, and again, this goes back to some of these you will have remembered from past episodes. So we've done an episode on hyper focus where we looked at some of these elements. So we've got timers. I use this an awful lot, yeah um uh especially with the kids as well. If I want them to focus on something particular, if I want me to focus on something, I'll set myself a timer to a remind me to stop, but b, um, if it's something that is on there, I'll plan and do it later. That really helps me go actually I'm gonna do it now, and it's only gonna take me this long.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, I also think with plan it later is if I'm thinking I'll do it later, it's left my head and it's not coming back.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Do you know what that's a really good point? Uh, with me, and we've done it today when we're together, especially in the holidays. I will write myself a list. Yeah, A, it helps with ticking it off, but B, I'm really clear then the things that definitely need to happen on that day.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, otherwise, I I certainly get knocked off. Yes. And another one that I've started doing is the snack stations. Now you said this doesn't work for you, but for me, I am constantly, constantly, constantly interrupted because they want a snack, they want this, they want that. I've started and I learned to do this last year. Lunch is prepped and it's in the fridge, like they can get the sandwiches out whenever they want. But I bought these little baskets and I fill it with like the amount of like say crisps and unhealthy snacks they're allowed to have, and once that's gone, that's gone, and they know that they need to start rationing their food. Fruit, I'm happy they can eat that all day long. Yoghurts and things, I'm happy for them to take them out of the fridge. But like the bits where they're like, Can I have an ice cream? They're only had one, can I have crisps? Can I have chocolate? Because they'll just sit and they'll just go through that pantry.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, you see, mine are a little bit older, but my when I tried the snack station when they were younger, it was like a challenge for my um or my eldest, and he had eaten everything by nine o'clock in the morning. Yeah. And uh and with part of his autism diagnosis, it linked very much to food and sensory um elements of things. Yeah. So it was almost it was too much. So I I've always got snacks and things like that in the house, and they they still even at 17 and 14, they'll still come and ask, yeah. Which i is incredibly overwhelming when you're trying to get on with work and and different things. But actually, from the other side of things, it helps with the sensory side of things for us.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, it stops the overeating as well, doesn't it?
SPEAKER_01And that that is exactly what our issue is in our house. Um so yeah, it's a little bit different, but then when it comes to lunchtime and things like that, they are old enough to make their own food, yeah. So they they do make their own sandwiches and things like that, and they know exactly what they can do and where the food is to do it, but it comes I I'm very much at the point in my life that they're old enough to sort themselves out for lunch and um they know how to do it. Eldest has done home economics, it's not called that anymore for GCSE. For FTT, isn't it?
SPEAKER_00I don't know what it is, but he can do a three-course meal, he can make his own lunch. Oh, that's perfect, and then body doubling is still a good one, isn't it? It's a bit tricky, but it can be done in so many different ways. Yeah, so if you've got double kids, I actually get mine to do things together, and that seems to have their structure going. So they're still in charge of the dishwasher, sorting out bedrooms where they can do things, or we can do things together, which also helps.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, so I mean, we've got the podcast as well. I know we're keeping going back to part past episodes, but we've got our body doubling podcast, and that is so helpful for where I'm wanting to do a particular thing. Body doubling. So there's our body doubling podcast that's really helpful. The other thing that I do that helps me, so sometimes when I'm cooking tea and things like that, I might call my sister up and it might irritate her, but actually, it helps me kind of get things done, so I might call different people.
SPEAKER_00That's a good idea. Yeah, I've got to be in the right mood. As an ADHD person, I like to ring people and chat. But if someone rings me, that phone is not getting answered. You will watch me watch that phone vibrate off.
SPEAKER_01Oh right, yeah, um, I wouldn't do that, and it I'd if my sister calls, I'll answer them, it's fine. But um, other people, but yeah, I might uh certain people I'll do that with.
SPEAKER_00So it's different though for autism, isn't it, massively? So we've gone through the ADHD ones, they're all things that would help me, but would they actually help someone with autism? Because this is this is you.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, absolutely. So for us, and again, this links the back to my some of my fails, I suppose. Some of the challenges that you have during the summer holidays, we've got noise, heat, and crowds, yeah, like horrific. Um, if I'm completely honest, it's too much, it's a sensory overload. Um, so if you're going places for me, I like plan it in um uh and yeah, try and look at the times that are gonna be least crowded. You will not find me and my family at a theme park. Um saying that I've just bought the kids to go to Disneyland Paris, but that is that yeah, so maybe, maybe, but we're we'll work out how we're gonna do that and we're gonna work out all the other stuff. The other thing that I really struggle with and the kids struggle with as well is social expectations. Yes. So really understanding if we're meeting somebody what to expect. Uh and I mean we're all very autistic sometimes in those situations, so you're not gonna get, I don't know, the most if you're meeting us for the first time personality.
SPEAKER_00Exactly that. That's the best way of putting it. Do you know what, but it's it's that social battery again. I used to hate saying no to people and would feel I'd have to give them a reason why it was a no. And now actually I've realised no is a full sentence. Yeah, yeah, exactly. So now I'm just like, no, sorry, I can't do that. And even like I I think my emails sound quite blunt, maybe my messages and texts can sound quite blunt, but I don't need to give you a reason why I don't want to come around for a barbecue with 34 people that I've never met. Exactly. Oh, that sounds like my worst night. Is mate? Do you want to come around? I'm like, who's there? What are the timings and what are my expectations? Exactly. Then I can plan in if I've got the battery enough for it.
SPEAKER_01Exactly. And then again, we've talked about masking before, but um, for us at home, there may well be less masking, yeah, for instance. So you're gonna get a full-on version of all of us not masking. With that full-on version of us not masking at home, you're going to get all our quirks that are coming in there. So the little one-liner repeat songs that might be going on, yes, the different random movements that everyone's doing. So if someone was to come into our house or even hear us, I do what I worry about what other people think when they can hear us because obviously we've got the windows open as well. But I've just kind of come to accepting that we're just gonna be the odd house on the street.
SPEAKER_00I think once you've got kids, everyone's realises that this is how it goes. I keep seeing these reels at the minute going, if you hear me shouting at my children, it's because I asked them seven times already.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, it's true, it's true. It is, but then I suppose what you're also gonna get is if we're out in social situations, the mask is coming on a little bit more as well. So it's just that unpredictability, I think, for us that really has an impact. Yeah, so I do try and make sure that we've got structure at home, it helps with it helps for me, it helps for the kids. Um, and make sure that everybody knows um what we're doing and when, which is mentally exhausting. And um, if we're going out for a day, I make sure we've got a day at home the next day.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, to recharge that social battery. Exactly. Because you don't want the emotional burnout, which is what is going to come. Like you can't be doing things every single day, it's just not feasible.
SPEAKER_01Exactly. Some of the things then that help with me, we've got the predictable anchor, so we were talking about that before. I definitely have a predictable anchor. My um how I start off the day every single day is with a latte, which sounds ridiculous, doesn't matter what the weather is, that is my predictable anchor. But if that doesn't happen, I'm off kilter for the rest of the day, and it's something so small, but that will impact me. I won't be my I won't be comfortable with things, and I don't know what that is about. If and it's not the addiction to coffee, it's it's yeah, could be that a little bit of judgment there, I felt, but anyway, the other thing as well that's really helpful. We have loads of sensory things in our house still. Um, so that's either like fidget toys, or we've got like these plastic tubes that when you spin them around and things like that, they've got different coloured gel and things like that. Oh, that's it. Sit the kids up in front of that. The other thing that um I got, so one of the things for my son um is I don't know it's to do with pressure, really, can't really explain it. So, anyway, we've got juggling balls, lots of juggling balls in a bin bag, and so can't say you're hitting with the bin bag of them, that's how no. Well, I was gonna say he throws them as hard as he can, um, if I'm completely honest, because it he just needs to get that. I don't know what it is out, but we've got those as well that we have there, and um, I think reducing that social load is really important. So being able to, as I've said before, you know you're gonna be out for that busy day, um, so make sure you've got that downtime for everybody because it helps for everybody as well.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, it really does, doesn't it? And then we've got to think about the people who are both, so you A U A D H D, this is a really hard one, isn't it? Because they have the urge then to do absolutely everything. Because in it's the two kind of fighting together, yeah. That internal tug of war that needs to do everything.
SPEAKER_01Exactly. So you've got your your artistic side where you've got that need for your saness, and then you've got the ADHD uh ADHD side, which might be a little bit more impulsive.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, yeah, and I think that's then going to cause that emotional dysregulation, isn't it? The overwhelm from competing demands, and that's where you're getting the most internal meltdowns, I suppose, sensory overload, because there's so many needs competing, the structure's gone, it's very, very difficult.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, so I had a look at, and this is I'm hoping it's straightforward, but um two-column planning. So, what this should do is help reduce um overwhelm, and it helps you externalise that internal conflict. So you'll get a piece of paper and create two columns, and in one column, you're gonna basically dump everything that your brain wants to do. Yeah, don't judge yourself, no filtering, just examples. So it might be go to the beach, deep clean the house, start a new hobby, take the kids to a theme park. So this is your pure kind of let's call it your ADHD energy, you're getting that all out, and then in column two, what I want you to do is start to work through actually what's realistic. Yes. So um, is it one hour outside? Is it one load of laundry? Is it going to the to a park instead of a theme park? Is it a 10-minute tidy, not a deep clean? Yeah, and then from there you can start to look at your lists and pick one thing from each column that can coexist. So if your ADHD wants to go out somewhere fun, the um autism side might be able to handle that low sensory, that short, predictable piece thing. So your solution might be going out at 9am before um to a particular pace before it gets really busy. Yes. Or your ADHD side might, for example, want to reorganise the whole house, but the autism side can only handle that small bit of it. So your solution might be that you just tidy it one drawer, for example.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, it's just breaking it into things that are more manageable for you, more achievable for you. Because then you don't get the guilt because you haven't done all the things that you wanted to do. Like what did we discuss last week? I wanted to paint my entire front room ready for this week. I painted half of it because I ran out of paint, yeah, but at least I did the things that I wanted to do. I did this, and I also wanted to recover all my chairs and things, did all that. Yeah, so taking those small steps and just saying this is what I want in the big picture, but this is what's achievable for now.
SPEAKER_01Exactly. And then um tag team parenting. I do this or try to do this with my my husband. Like I've I've done X, Y, and Z. You're coming home at this point, so you need to do whatever, and then a little bit of tag teaming there, that helps as well. Does it work or um as again with his neurodiversity, only if he knows about it ahead of time. This is gonna be pre-planned in. Yeah, exactly. And this is where it um for us the schedule really helps and sitting down and going, right, we need to we've got to do X, Y, and Z. Yeah. Um, how are we gonna do that? If I surprise him with it, it's not gonna happen. I think the other thing that's really important is giving yourself permission to cancel. Because you've got that. Um in moments, I've I really wanted to do this, yeah, and then it actually comes to it and you're cut a completely different person. Yeah, it's alright to turn around and say, I'm not it's not gonna happen.
SPEAKER_00You do get that internal conflict though, because you feel like am I a flaky friend, am I not good? But as long as people are aware, you know, my friends, if they know I haven't got any battery, it's just gonna be a no. Or if I say to them when they ask me to do something, maybe, they know it's more than likely gonna be a no.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, yes, that's a really good way of doing it. As soon as anyone gets a maybe from me, it's not gonna happen.
SPEAKER_00No.
SPEAKER_01So, on top of that, we've also got running trying to run a house, which is not gonna happen. Yeah, exactly. Again, there's a guilt of not being funny enough or the pressure to perform work, so it's looking at being real realistic and being kind to yourself. I always say this. Yes, you've got to go for your easy wins and sometimes just let things some things go, the things that you can let go.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, it's what do you drop first when things get too much? Yeah. In this house, when the kids are home, it's probably vacuuming because I'll vacuum our sleep up on the morning, they'll then be in the garden, they've dragged in all of the grass from when the grass has been cut, they've got muddy feet from when they've been, say, has had the water on and they've been on the trampoline or the pool or something, and it's just dragged through the house. What's the point of me doing it on a morning for them to destroy it on the afternoon, for me to then do it the next morning for them to destroy it again?
SPEAKER_01You see, mine's the other way around because we've got the dog. I will hoover and everything, and that will get done, but what probably won't get done is the dusting.
SPEAKER_00Mmm. Yeah, I suppose to be honest, my three-year-old likes the dust, she's the one who runs around with the duster. I thought you were gonna say she does the drawings in it. Oh she does, she still does do the all the drawings, but she she likes the little um hat and scrap button. If you know like a blind cleaner, she likes to do the blinds and kind of run around with that, so I'm pretty okay with that.
SPEAKER_01I need someone to do my blinds.
SPEAKER_00I did debate buying you can buy like a blind cleaner, it's almost like mop shoes, and everyone can wear them. And I was like, should I get all the kids just to wear these mop shoes just so they can clean it if they want it through? Yeah, but you imagine all the streaks everywhere. But there's lots of things before we digress down that route.
SPEAKER_01I was gonna say, but we're gonna come on to workplaces now as well. So, what can workplaces do to help your neurodiverse colleagues? But so, first of all, um, where you can flexible hours, I think that's really important. Yeah, really. Um and being able to know what that flexibility looks like as well helps certainly my autistic brain, knowing what my boundaries are, otherwise that's going to create stress for me. So that's really helpful. Meeting free mornings, yeah. Uh again, really, really helpful because that for me the mornings and around lunchtime are probably the worst bit. I'm saying that it used to be, it's not anymore. My my teenagers don't get old both until 11 o'clock.
SPEAKER_00Yes, yeah, I'm the opposite actually. I'd rather have my meetings in the morning and then a free afternoon so I can do the admin so I can dip in and out. So maybe it's just scheduling things that work best for people.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, do you know? Yeah, I think that's a really good point. And then we've got communication as well. So communicate in a way that doesn't mean that everybody has to respond at the same time. Yeah. So you're looking at removing the pressure to get an instant reply. Again, that creates a huge relief. So some of that is looking at I suppose how you're planning within work, yeah, and looking at when the communication is going out. So you're removing that urgency because there is enough pressure going on without making everything urgent and making everything a braille.
SPEAKER_00It might also be worth adding something if you're allowed to in the email signature just to say it's a school holidays, I will get back to you as soon as possible, but ours will be a little bit all over.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, absolutely that. Um, I think the other stuff that for me um is really helpful using things like Teams or Slack, and because there's let there's more flexibility in those things, and I can see the Teams messages. Whereas when you come back, your emails are just can be mammoth sometimes. Yeah. Um so something kind of has to drop. So it for it's having that inclusive communic inclusive communication and really looking at what the um adjustments can be put in place for that. Also, we say this before, really clear deadlines. So understanding when those deadlines need to be, and perhaps if we need a little bit of flexibility with those deadlines, again, understanding what those flexibility are, then we can negotiate on those. And then I think it's also understanding that um when you've got, and this is for people that are neurotypical as well, that are parents. When you've got that added extra complexity of childcare that you wouldn't have um when schools are in, it it's you've got extra chaos going on.
SPEAKER_00You have it's not a lack of professionalism, is it? It's the fact that there's just so much going on in your and you you're never gonna get these years back with your kids either, are you? So you don't want to miss them.
SPEAKER_01Exactly, and it's that things that frustrate me, and I know this sounds awful, but when people are like, Oh, you must be having a nice time when you're off, actually, I've had quite a stressful time when I'm off, yeah. Um, because I've been managing all of those extra things, but you just kind of it's that extra pressure of going, actually, yeah, this is what's happened, as opposed to being able to go, do you know what? I've had a really stressful um period of time off. My kids haven't had the structure, there's been loads of arguments, there's been extra meltdowns, actually, it's been quite stressful, and I've not had the best week off work.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, well, you're not even off work, you're still working half the time, but then if you do get a day off work, it's like, what do I need to clean? What do I need to batch cook? Where do we need to go? We need to go out somewhere, make sure they've had some exposure to actual real life.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, instead, like ask what it what um people could be asking what they could do to make life easier for you.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_01I mean, I would love to say, come round and clean my living room. I know that's not the case, but what is going to make life easier for me is those flexible deadlines, but knowing when you want things done and and that flexibility in communication, um, and also um having a bit of flexibility about have having cameras off as well. Uh for me, having sometimes having the camera off will help, um in that I just need some time. I'm completely there and I'm completely engaged, but I need some time just to bring myself around if that makes sense.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, and also you don't want your children running in because they've been on the paddling pool and things like that. And you nobody wants to see that on the cameras, do they? No, they really don't.
SPEAKER_01And mine still have the paddling pools out as well, so they are in the back garden at the minute. So I think the takeaway from this, and hopefully you've stayed with us amongst our kind of ramblings whilst we've been going on, is that if you're struggling, it's not you, it's the season, it's the system, and it's the sensory load that we're all going to be taking.
SPEAKER_00It really is, and obviously, it's just making sure that you do check in with each other because sometimes you're so exhausted, but sometimes it's just nice to be able to rant to another person.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, exactly. And that could just be I mean, we communicate an awful lot in memes, don't we? Yeah, and so it could be just that, and actually knowing that somebody else is thinking the same thing always helps.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, it's like that checking to hope you're still alive, or one me and my friend always, always do. I don't know if you remember the film Cool Runnings with the Bobsled team from Jamaica or wherever it was, and the crash at the ending is like Yosanka, you did, and that's what we always send to each other in the summer holidays just to make sure that we're both still ticking over.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, exactly. So we hope that this episode helps you, and if it has helped you, please follow our um Send It podcast, leave us a review or share it with someone who you might think um needs it. It helps us reach more neurodivergent people who deserve better workplaces. So, good luck out there.
SPEAKER_00Summer is absolutely a team sport if we all need to support each other with. It is. See you next time. Yeah, see you next time.
SPEAKER_02Our conversations are based around our own experiences, ideas, and perspectives. They are intended for general discussion and entertainment only. If you need guided support or advice with a professional, personal, medical, legal, financial, or otherwise, please seek help from a qualified professional. By listening to this podcast, you understand and agree that the hosts are not responsible for any actions you choose to take based on what you hear.
