Episode 15 - The Masking Recovery Toolkit: Different Ways to Reset Your Brain

Masking helps many neurodivergent people navigate workplaces, social situations and everyday life—but it comes at a cost. If you've ever got home feeling completely drained, overwhelmed, or like you've been "hit by a bus", you're not imagining it.

In this practical 10-minute episode, we explore why masking places such a heavy load on the brain and nervous system, and share a simple five-step recovery toolkit you can use after work, social events or any situation where you've had to perform.

We'll cover:
• Why masking is so mentally and physically exhausting
• How to regulate your nervous system after masking
• Sensory decompression techniques that really help
• Emotional unmasking without guilt
• Gentle ways to restore dopamine
• Creating a re-entry routine that helps you transition back to being yourself

Because recovery isn't a luxury—it's an essential part of protecting your wellbeing.

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:14

Hello, welcome back to Brains at Work. It is Steph and Claire, and today we're doing things a little bit differently. Yeah, so we've decided we're gonna do some little short bursts of our send it toolkits, and we're just gonna focus on and get straight into it and just focus on particular topics and they will complement our longer episodes as well. Yeah, absolutely. Rather than listening to us waffle on for a good 30 minutes. Exactly. Nice, short, and tailored. So today's episode is having a look at that masking recovery toolkit. Yeah, we thought this was gonna be a really important one. So, first of all, masking is absolutely exhausting. Oh god, it's horrible. Yeah, absolutely. And all of our nervous systems know it. So today we're doing a really a real practical masking recovery toolkit. So this isn't us saying you need to stop masking, it's um because sometimes you have to, and that's okay. This is looking at what we can do to recover afterwards, yeah. So masking, we're gonna look at pretty much why it drains you, what what it's doing to your body. Because basically, you're running in performance mold all of the time. It's like that high alert, that cognitive load, it's also creating a lot of hormone stress. So, the more we've looked at this, the more I've actually been thinking about it, and I almost feel a little bit like a rat on a rat race. I can feel myself doing things now, yeah, and I can feel my anxious peaks, my hormone levels going up, me kind of drifting off. Like I'm even talking fast now because I'm thinking about it. I feel like in my head I'm like and I'm actually trying to slow it down and get out of that having 47 tabs open all of the time. Right, I'm gonna start this job, I'm gonna do this job, I'm gonna do this job. I find as well when I'm when I've been masking all day, I get quite bad sensory overload, yeah. Um, and I can feel it becoming too much. Um, so even like the I don't know, if one of the kids come and um come and want a hug or come and touch me after a full day masking, I can't, my body can't cope with it if that makes sense, and that's really difficult to kind of live with. Yeah, I think you become on high alert, don't you? And then you've got all these sensors going off, and it's like bing bing, but you can feel your red lights are on, yeah. And you do, I do it all the time, and then something I find that I do is I am very like you, sensory overload, you don't have a touch, you just want five minutes. Yeah, I've started to kind of think right, I need to go for a walk now because I know that I'm gonna explode. But if I sit down, everything just whoosh, it just drains, and I feel like my my my bar that I'm forcing to stay energy high above will just hit the ground, and then I'm useless to everybody. That leads us in really nicely. So uh you've got your um your body's in that threat mode, yeah, which is exactly what your um that yeah that's describing what you're saying threat mode. Yeah, so um fight or flight. Like that, yeah, exactly. So before you start judging yourself, I think it's about kind of looking at different things that you can um look at to help you. So, first thing that I've got here, temperature change, cold water on wrists, that's really helpful. Yeah, maybe it was a little bit of ice. Lovely suggestion from one of our listeners, wasn't it, that told us about sensory overload, cooling the wrist, like you say, bit of ice. Yeah, have a cold drink, cold flannel. One of the things that I do, which I hadn't really thought about it being a sensory thing, I keep a face mist in the fridge um and spray myself with a bit of face mist as well when I get too I don't know, hot and bothered. Do you know what? That's a great idea. I um have this, I have a cooling spray as well. It's like special water, you're supposed to use it after laser and things. And my kids, I give it to my kids when they're getting like like you when you get a little bit angry, when you're getting hot and bothered, we go, let's put the spritzy on, that's what she calls it, my little one, the spritzy, and it's like a oh, yeah, keep it in the fridge, and it's like that little bit of extra. Um, so temperature shifts um you into that calm nervous system faster than any breathing exercise that you can do. I've never really considered it, not until it was like suggested, and you're saying it now. Definitely, because you do actually, the more you think about it, your temperature does rise. Yeah. Whether it's for the stress levels or because you're actually moving around like the rat. Yeah. Um like the rat. Yeah, they've got the rat on the rat wrest. So, next one, you do this. I do this a lot. Yeah. Yeah, the shake it out. I like I say I can feel now more than ever when my body is building up, and I just need a real movement break.

SPEAKER_00 4:48

I mean, I suggest it to my kids, I suggest it to everyone.

SPEAKER_01 4:51

Yeah, it's I don't even know. I feel like when I shake it out, when I'm giving my arms about, it's literally just like uh it's expelling from my body, almost like I'm a witch expelling it out. Yeah, and doing it that way, and you've seen me do it before meetings when I know I've got to be still, and I know that if I don't, it'll just be like a mini whirlwind tornado or something like that. Yeah, then I like this one so that pressure, so pressures of weighted blankets, um hoodies, um pressing your palms together, um, yeah, all of those things I that that is one of the things that does it for me very much around that that grounding. One of the other things that I do um is um I go outside into my garden in bare feet and walking on the grass and bare feet. Really, I don't know what it is about it, but that helps me. That brings you back to nature, doesn't it? Yeah, I'm very much like that. I like to have bare feet on the grass, on the sand, in the sea, if I possibly can like to go out and that's my grounding. Yeah, I do think the pressure one works really well. I was suggested by an occupational therapist a butterfly hug. Obviously, you can kind of hug yourself, or if you know your partner's around, or if they're doing it, just that pressure of the hug round. Yeah, but they also suggested go and carry something. So I'll stupidly start carrying my washing basket from one room to another, or I'll put a load of washing in because apparently the weight in your arms as well also really supports you. That's interesting. Yeah, it was suggested as well for my children, not that they're gonna help me with the washing, yeah, but yeah, having the weight in your arms is supposed to kind of neutralise it and bring that pressure down as well, like um a body reset. Yeah, lights out. Next thing we've got is um looking at that sensory side of things, so um looking at sensory softening, so that is things I have to do, this dimming lights. If the light's too bright, that's too much for me. Or I'm sat here um talking to you and I've got my sunglasses. Sometimes I need to do that on as well, so reducing and dimming those lights helps. The other thing that I need to do, and I saw a reel about this, I have to reduce the noise. So I can't park my car or reverse with the radio on or with the big noise, everything has to be quiet, I just can't concentrate on what I'm doing, it's it's just too much, it's sensory overall. Yeah, I've seen it before, isn't it? It's like when you're trying to find where you're going so you turn the radio down so you can see back. I can't see, yeah, exactly, and that is completely me. So reducing that noise, turning the radio off, that is really helpful. So reducing noise. I appreciate though, in a house full of um kids, for example, that isn't always possible. No, those situations, maybe it's just a little bit of good luck. Yeah. Um, no, I do I do agree with all of those ones, definitely. You've got to reduce that noise because I think otherwise you're trying to multitask too much, and your brain then starts to short circuit. Yeah, yeah. Then changing soft clothes. I do this, I and this is one of the things that I love about working from home as well. I'm never going about it, but just being able to have that sensory stuff on soft clothes, yeah. And you know what? I recently read something this past month, and this is probably where I've made my decision. Apparently, cats are a brilliant animal or thing to help with sensory overload. And I'm wondering if it's for the fur relation of it because they are soft. There's actual data out there, I don't have it at the top of my head, but I can share it. So people that are not in your head, and I know this is our really short toolkit. You're you're trying to convince your husband to get two kittens. Oh, I'm not convincing him, I'm just gonna turn and put the house with two kittens that I've rescued. Yeah, but yeah, this is where the research, this is why I'm thinking maybe about getting the kittens, because the research I've read that it supports people with the sensory. I suppose you do also get your emotional support animals, but I don't think that's sensory. I think that's more Yeah, I was gonna say I think that's something I'm gonna do. Off topic, we'll go back. Yeah, so yeah, so your what you're wearing can have a real impact as well. Or if you can feel that tag looking on the back of your neck. Yeah, get into your favourite joggers, your pajamas. That is my um my straight as soon as I'm in in from work or whatever, straighten my pajamas, put soft clothes. So yeah, I quite enjoy it, and all my family do this. It's red hot. We're literally just what El Nino, fleecy blanket. If we sit on this sofa, everybody has a fleecy blanket on them, and you can be sweating and too hot. Do you know what? We've got uh behind our um sofa is just full of fleecy blankets. Yeah, it's a sensory touch of it, I think. You can be dying, and but you still want that blanket sensory. Yeah, yeah, I get that. Sit somewhere quiet. That doesn't happen in my house. I was just gonna say, I we don't have a quiet spot. I get it, absolutely get it. My quiet spot is probably my bedroom, but I tend to find that my kids swallow me in there. So I would say if you've got children, um good luck with that, Lord. Yeah, I'm guessing your quiet spot might be when you ask someone to help out to the dishwasher, or if you want to ask them to help with the washing, that's maybe when you're gonna get your quiet time. Yeah, absolutely. I mean I don't a car for me, actually. I'll just I'll go and sit in the car by myself when I'm just I've had too much. Yeah. I mean, I talk to myself. You've heard these podcasts, I never actually stop, so it's never there's never a quiet time in my life. Um, calming playlist. Do you have a calming playlist? I don't have a calming one, but I do like to just chuck on ones that like Spotify make for me, so now I have one that's made called my happy mix. Oh, I like that. Yeah, so I do have my own playlist, but actually depends what mood I'm in to what colours up. That's exactly what I was just saying. But the happy playlist, I was feeling a bit yesterday. Like what I've only had one day back at work since my holiday. Happy playlist on. Songs I didn't even know, and I was like, actually, I like that. Yeah, you see, I've I do have a calming one. Um, if my head feels really full and I don't have any more, like anything more to give. I have a and what I tend to find I can't listen to music with words in when I've got that sensory overload. It has to be some random song, it could be someone playing a piano, it could be anything like that, but no words in the song. So you need an classical Mozart blasting out at you something. Sometimes that's even too much, is it? Yeah, yeah, actually, with all the highs and the yeah. No, it has to be probably the most boring telephone music. That are like do you remember? Maybe we're showing our age here, playing The Sims as a child, and it would have like load music. Oh, you missed a treat. It would have this like real weird boring music. I'm gonna play some Sims music. Okay, right, next one is emotional unmasking. This is like, and and we've said this before, you don't need to like unmask, it's completely um a personal decision, but masking um suppresses your emotions, so when you stop, it's about kind of releasing those um safely, yeah, exactly than the word vomit that happens and yeah, breakdown. It's about you naming that fear feeling, if that makes sense. So it's looking at um you're tired or you're feeling overwhelmed, or I I think I said to you um when when we last did a kind of get together with people, yes, we did, uh and I went actually no, I'm I'm too peopled now, I can't like holding that smile on your face for so long and you can feel yourself draining, yeah, but it's also recognising it and not pushing through because I'll be like ten more minutes, five more minutes, and actually that probably has a more negative effect and pushes me closer to burnout, yeah, than if I'm just like actually, do you know what I'm done now? I need to walk away. Yeah, um, and I feel like I've got an awful lot better because that's exactly what I said to you, but I'm done now, I'm peopled out, I'm walking away now. Yeah, um, but then there's the other side as well around um when you feel safe being able to let that emotion out. So if that means you flopping on the sofa, you're having a bit of a cry, whatever you can do to get that emotion out, I find for me, once I've done it, it could just be 30 seconds of a quick cry. I'm over and done with it. It's not because I'm sad, it's just that I need to get that thing out. The other thing that I find really helpful, and this isn't for everybody, is journaling for like very quick 30 seconds, get all of my either anger, my emotion are too much out on a piece of paper. I can just close the book and I can move it. So you've been like, what is it, mean girls, where Regina George is writing in a diary. See, I don't watch Mean Girls either. Complete references lost on it. You are not living life. I want to show you the page because you love it where she's journaling and calling people a few choice words. But then I one of the things that I don't do, I don't read my journal back. I know sometimes people do, I don't once I've written written it, I've I've closed the page and I've moved on. Yeah, because if you read it again, I find you bring it back and that emotion comes back. But yeah, it is I'm a I'm more of a not a journaler, I just like to lay completely still if I can possibly do that. But my grounding, I suppose, again, I can up on the floor or my bed or something. I'm just like, I just need to be still to let the emotions leave, and then I'm like, right, I'm good, I'm good. Or as I've always said, when things become a real lot, I'll go out and I'll have my walk just round the block, literally 10 minutes. You're really good at that. Putting some music on, or just listening to the birds or something like that, however, I feel. I think we've probably both learned our own ways of doing it, and I think we're both both quite good at going, do you know what? I've had enough and I'm gonna move on. Um and um I think what's really important with that is there's no judgment there, be it from an individual basis, or when we're with each other either. When we both are quite good at recognising yeah, this is enough now, and and we need and you just need to go and do whatever you need to do. Yeah, absolutely. But we don't want all the drainers, we also want to think about how to fill the dopamine back up, how to get there and really push it higher. I mean, we've seen before, and I'm a little bit like a puppy where I can be completely off the wall, yeah, or actually I can be quite calm and tired and like you say, drained. It's probably depends what kind of mood you catch me in, but obviously, filling your bucket back up for being dopamine is it's a tricky one. Again, it's knowing what works best for you. Exactly. So, like I just said, I have my walk, I like my music because I think music instantly shifts your mood. You see, I I have my favourite songs, I am very much still stuck in my 90s playlist. Yeah, um, I have got my Spice Girls and all of my cheesy pop and those and oh, and some really good dance music from the 90s. Love all of that type of stuff. I'll just whack on my 90s playlist, have a bit of a 90s club classics at home and who cares? Or in the car, actually. And the other thing um that always gives me a bit of a dopamine boost is a cup of tea, really random. Is it? You do love a cup of tea, I do love a cup of tea. I don't know, I have lots of different things. Sometimes, if I know I've got a bit of time, I will actually doom scroll, and I know it's the worst thing. You'll know because you'll get like 30 Instagram reels off me in like 10 minutes. I don't know. But I just it's kind of um from me this morning, actually. Yeah, woke up, yeah. I woke up to loads of weeds, it just helps you, doesn't it? When you're in a bit of a mood, then something makes you laugh. Actually, it must be for me, it's got to have that funny emotion emotion then exactly. Um I think that's great. I I just think it's a little tiny treat for me, it makes me happy. Like I say, it must be noise, maybe. I don't know why. So then we have got um after you're having that masking, I think what's really important is that you give yourself though though that time before you move on to the next task. So if for example you've been in been in the office or been with people and you've been masking all day, don't the worst thing that you could probably do is just go straight into the house and get straight back onto things. Give yourself five minutes or what however long you need. I've already said like if I've feel like I've been peopling too long, you will quite often find me sitting in my car for five-ten minutes before I get into the house and take on that role of mum again. Um, and need that time to kind of just I don't know, re-regulate and re-recognise who I am. Yeah, it's like decompressing, isn't it? It's just setting yourself out, restoring kind of your brain chemistry, making sure you're feeling more neutral because if you are people out and then you go in and your kids they're like mum, mum, mum, mum, mum. Too much. So I have when I get in, I have kind of my own little getting in ritual. So I'll get in, obviously, I'll say hello to everyone. So, but once I've so I'll sit in the car for a couple of minutes, go in the house, make sure I said hello to everyone, made a fuss of the dog, obviously, but then I the next thing I immediately do is go and get changed, go and get into my comfy clothes and make myself a drink, and then after that I feel like I can everything else will just kind of drop, and I don't know, hopefully the sensory kind of overload of masking all day. Yeah, kind of lifts, yeah, it disappears, doesn't it? It's a lot. You need it's almost that kind of bridge and that time between having that performance because let's be fair, masking is a performance, isn't it? Yeah, and then you're reverting back to that real you and and kind of reverting into that. Into your safe space as well, yeah, exactly, exactly. So I think it's really important to um recognise that masking isn't a failure, it's about adapting into the different environments. Um but adapting has that cost, and that recovery is how you pay back that cost as well. Yeah, our masking recovery toolkit, we've got regulating your body, we've got sensory decompression, we've got emotional unmasking, yeah, we've got refilling your dopamine, and then how you re-enter back into that. Yes, absolutely. So you can use your masking recovery toolkit after work, after socialising, after family events, anywhere where you've had to perform, and it's really important your brain deserves that recovery. Um, it's not about resilience, it's about recovery and um getting back to the real youth. So that is our short episode on unmasking recovery. Yeah, we hope you've enjoyed it and appreciate the littler episode, shorter episode. Littler, littler. I don't even know if that's all I'll go for it, it's how good. But we look forward to seeing you again for our longer one next week.

SPEAKER_00 20:51

Nothing we discuss should be taken as advice. Our conversations are based around our own experiences, ideas, and perspectives. They are intended for general discussion and entertainment only. If you need guided support or advice of either professional, personal, medical, legal, financial, or otherwise, please seek help from a qualified professional. By listening to this podcast, you understand and agree that the hosts are not responsible for any actions you choose to take based on what you hear.